then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
