I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
