Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up

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  (416): Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up http://tfl.nu/zoaj
  Replies (26) Good night (1134) Bad night (2947)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings

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  (901): oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass (901): fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings http://tfl.nu/b0u6
  Replies (118) Good night (4482) Bad night (1418)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

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  (518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever. http://tfl.nu/idj0
  Replies (39) Good night (5700) Bad night (1179)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night

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  (317): well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night http://tfl.nu/od6j
  Replies (19) Good night (1638) Bad night (6356)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

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  (361): I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off. http://tfl.nu/sc97
  Replies (21) Good night (4367) Bad night (1559)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else

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  (785): Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else http://tfl.nu/imin
  Replies (8) Good night (2721) Bad night (1135)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.

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  (647): we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana. http://tfl.nu/zk8n
  Replies (6) Good night (3031) Bad night (741)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.

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  (304): No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me. http://tfl.nu/xahh
  Replies (10) Good night (2425) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.

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  (254): Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn. http://tfl.nu/xdjy
  Replies (8) Good night (941) Bad night (1251)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.

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  (603): I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar. http://tfl.nu/vit3
  Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (1280)
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  (925): View more from California

  Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.

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  (925): Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious. http://tfl.nu/2nhd
  Replies (4) Good night (730) Bad night (1594)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?

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  (210): I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you? http://tfl.nu/lbmm
  Replies (5) Good night (1341) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"

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  (978): This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears" http://tfl.nu/n35d
  Replies (4) Good night (1185) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.

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  (505): I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again. http://tfl.nu/j8uj
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (316)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program

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  (780): I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program http://tfl.nu/uwem
  Replies (1) Good night (724) Bad night (240)

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