her vagine was all disorganized.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.