After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
