That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.