how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK