his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.