The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
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Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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