Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
