I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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