Kareoke will never be a sober sport
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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