I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize