Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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