Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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