Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
