Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
