Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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