Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
