He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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