were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
