do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
