She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
God I need to hump something, right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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