I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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