i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Two words: nipple clamps
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