Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need to calm my uterus...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
