evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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