How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my being single is dangerous.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
