You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
