I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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