apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize