Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
