6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
