Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
