just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this beer tastes like vomit already
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
