Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
false alarm. still invincible.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
