Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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