the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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