OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
