Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
