Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
