Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
