apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
