my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
