Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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