and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
