Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
