What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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