I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
