____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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