Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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