i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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