DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
