how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
3 2 1 whiskey
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
