So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
