bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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