I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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