I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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