so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We are two peas in an std pod
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
