Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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