So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
