I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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