The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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