After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
