Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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