Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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